Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
