Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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