Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
