I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i will never coherently bang her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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