i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
