i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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