I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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