I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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