I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
