drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
