Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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