WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
