we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
