I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
