Jerry, you need to find god
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
