i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
