i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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