hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
