I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
