the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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