She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
