oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
