who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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