There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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