Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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