Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
