It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
