My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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