woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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