porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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