I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
