I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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