I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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