Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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