What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
