Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
