Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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