I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
