so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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