you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
