Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
