Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
