No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
