She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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