he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
