There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
