WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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