I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
