i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
