my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
