Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
